We all have parts of our personality that we don’t necessarily like… Parts you’d really rather hide. These are parts of you that you wrestle with. But when you refuse to look at yourself or admit when you’re wrong, when you suck the life and joy out of people around you, when excitement evaporates and celebration of happy times is a far away concept, you are either toxic or dealing with a toxic person in your life. A toxic personality running amuck in your life is lie walking on eggshellsz it is just a matter of time before you enter a field of no not daisies, landmines is more like it.
That’s right we are talking abt toxic people bur what’s more important is, I’ll tell you what to do about it. Short answer: identify them and kick them to the curb.
You cannot develop properly when you allow toxic people in your life. But sometimes, it isn’t easy to rid yourself of toxic people because they work with you. Do you work in an environment that is so thick in negativity, politics, criticism or competition that you feel yourself getting depressed Sunday afternoon in anticipation of having to go to work the next day? Do you have a toxic venomous boss?
Answer these questions:
1) How does it effect you physically?
2) What about mentally?
3) Do you ever find yourself doubting yourself?
4) Did you try to talk w/ her abt it?
5) What happened?
Many times, when a person works for a toxic boss, they find themselves fighting a depression.
I have developed a method which treats mild depression without the need of antidepressant medications or pills. It involves identifying and labelling which I refer to as the “toxic personalities” or “poisonous people” we’ve met in our lives. By dealing with these people in an extremely direct way you will be able to take back control of your life and emotions and consequentially be able to enrichen yourself with happiness and potentially financial gains.
Make a list of and identify people with the following negative personality characteristics and traits:
5 personality traits of toxic people:
1. People who are pompous towards you. We’ve all known people like this. No matter what we say about ourselves that is positive, even if it’s not bragging but just stating our positive attributes, they will stick their noses up in the air and simply ignore anything good we have to say about ourselves. These people are pompous and probably have huge personal issues of their own and we must avoid contact with them at all costs if we seek to be emotional and financially successful.
2. People who make condescending comments towards you. Again, another toxic personality characteristic. Condescending comments are very easy to identify. I once had a boss who told me I was a “terrible person” on a daily basis. This person had a personality that smelled like rotten eggs and I paid a dear price with my happiness while in working for this individual. If anybody makes comments to you such as “You’re no good”, You’re a bad or horrible person”, or “So-and-So is much better than you or does a much better job” you must do everything in your power to separate yourself from this individual because they will put a major dent in your happiness which will most likely lead to depression.
3. Talks negatively about you behind your back. This is a simple one and very straight forward. Whenever you find out that a friend, family member, co-worker or even acquaintance has spoken negatively behind your back they have revealed themselves to be a toxic individual in your life. Associating with this person will do you no good and it’s curtail that you break ties with this individual for your own happiness.
4. People with whom you’re walking on eggshells. We have all known people like this. If we say “A” we’re in the wrong and if we say “B” we’re in the wrong. No matter what we say to people with this personality trait, often referred to as Borderline Personality Disorder we’re in the wrong and simply end up feeling bad about ourselves and depressed. Eggshell individuals are toxic people and most likely have a long list of “victims” who they made contributed to their depression in their lifetimes. Avoid them at all costs.
5. People who pours cold water on your ideas. This is a big one but cannot be overlooked. We have all known people who have belittled our ideas, plans and inspirations. Their reasons for doing this are undoubtedly linked to their own personality shortcomings. But, the result is that we end up feeling bad about ourselves and unhappy. Anybody who pours cold water on your ideas belongs in one place in your life: OUT. In order to achieve emotional happiness and financial success it is absolutely curtail that we surround ourselves with people who encourage us to pursue our dreams and give positive encouragement when we need help and are not feeling good about ourselves.
Message to parents about Toxic Adults in their Children’s Lives:
When a child is developing, it is important that you not only guide your child, but it is equally important to act as your Childs advocate in regards to the adults who are in your Childs life. I featured a young concert pianist on my show who shared some experiences with a few toxic piano instructors
Particularly, she had a piano instructor who yell and scream at her. This instructor also tried to dictate how Ana should wear her hair, dress (even when she was just being a 13 year old kid who was just hanging out with her friends.
Toxic adults who have influence over your kids can do irreparable harm to their developing self image and stagnate their emotional growth. Unfortunately, many instances may even go secretly because your child will not speak up or tell you what is happening. The child may even feel that this adult has ultimate power over whether they will ever get to explore your talent? It is vital that you dispel this fear and make your child feel as comfortable as possible about anything or anyone who may be undermining their ability to have a positive self image.
When you allow toxic people/adults to have total exposure to your child, you give them an implied authority over your child and the child does not know what to do at the same time, this child is developing their personality and self esteem. Anyone supplying them with negative messages constantly about themselves negatively impacts their self esteem actually, what I have seen in my coaching practice with clients who are or were Children in entertainment or sports is that it puts the child at risk for needing to overcompensate in other ways like alcohol or drug abuse, sexually promiscuous behaviors, and even clinical depression.
In an attempt to deal with depression and regain your happiness it is crucial that you either remove these trouble, or “toxic” personalities from your life. I have two recommendation for dealing with this. In your first attempt try to approach the person with a telephone call or email. If you can arrange a face-to-face meeting all the better. Here you need to have some courage. Tell them your issue. For example, “John, I have an issue with your constant pouring cold water on my ideas. This has led to my not feeling good about myself and I would like it to end. What are your thoughts?” If the person is able to communicate with you in a mature and adult-like way – GREAT! That person isn’t so toxic or bad after all and the relationship can continue. You’re well on your way to become a happier person. But, if the person takes offense and shuts the doors to communication they have REVEALED themselves to indeed be toxic and you will DO YOUSELF A HUGE FAVOR by walking way from that relationship forever.
I strongly believe that in order to be happy in life, fight depression and reach your emotional and financial goals it’s of huge importance that you rid yourself of these toxic people and surround yourself with winners who seek to inspire and help you.
I am also not referring to those who give in to the flesh for a time, seek forgiveness and restoration with those they have hurt and stop their sinful conduct. Toxic people are defined and ruled by their Luciferian pride. They will never humble themselves and admit wrong because, in their own minds, they have no problems. The problem is always, always with everyone around them who fails to meet their expectations and insatiable desires.
Toxic people are known by the turmoil they create around them. Whether it is a family member, spouse, co-worker, fellow church member, neighbor or someone else, these people are able to inflict considerable pain in the people they hurt. They are not happy unless there is drama and intrigue and strife in progress. They seem to take pleasure in creating chaos where there is peace, and in hurting those who are otherwise happy by finding their weakest, most vulnerable area. In my experience, there is sometimes almost a supernatural ability to sniff out an area of insecurity and to put the knife into that tender spot with glee.
Toxic people drain the life out of those around them. Their egos tend to fill the room when they enter and the oxygen, metaphorically speaking, gets sucked out for everyone else. One woman I once knew controlled everyone around her with the sound of her voice. The grating, penetrating, ceaseless sound of her talking shut down conversation for everyone in the room. I literally felt myself drooping from mental and spiritual exhaustion in her presence. Her powerful voice was her weapon, and it was used to fill every nook and cranny in a room. Nobody else existed. It was a terrible thing to witness.
Because of our Christian teaching on humility, self-sacrifice and kindness, we sometimes get the impression that to set boundaries of any kind with these people is wrong, and that we must take whatever they dish out. I do not believe this is so. When we give abusive and vicious people opportunities to hurt us, we give them power over our emotions.
Obviously, when the toxic person is on our home, it can be very difficult. You will have to set boundaries.
You will never be physically or spiritually well if you allow a toxic person to take a dominant place in your life. While it would be easier to spot them if they were dressed up like the boogie man, they simply are not. Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes and can be co-workers, family members and friends. They can often be characterized as emotional because instead of sucking blood, they drain energy and self-esteem
Here are some things you can do to fight back and celebrate wellness:
2) practice positive self talk- what you say about yourself carries a lot of weight
Don’t say negative things about yourself and for an entire week, try to be cognizant of the negative things you say. When u find yourself saying negative things, say stop out loud softly and immediately follow up with a positive statement
3) stay away from things or people who bring you down for one full week. Do the exact opposite. Do things that make you live love and laugh!
4) challenge yourself to be better. Take on that challenge by action. If you find fat you are too stressed, make an appt at a spa for a massage. If you’ve been depressed for a while, make an appt and go see your doctor.?if you are unhappy with your weight, call the gym or health club of your choice and hire a physical trainer.
5) if you want your life to change, put your money where your life is and be proactive. Lip service only employs your lips. What ant the other parts of you?
Those were tips, and here are strategies for how to deal with toxic people who are in tour life:
1) identify who is toxic in your life
2) do not appease, coddle or offer multiple second chances for them. They are manipulative and will not change because you saved them or loved them out of it.
2)break fellowship with them. Don’t spend time with them on the phone or in person on a regular basis
3) don’t feed their messages with more information that gives them insider information about you
4) examine your own role in the friendship or relationship with them. You were drawn to them for a reason. What is it?
5) stop making excuses for inexcusable behavior. Don’t allow yourself to believe that because they had a difficult childhood or a rough time at some point in their lives it gives them Li ensemble to make others ingest their poison.
6. Toxic people are bad news and there is nothing remotely amusing about their personalities or their need to spread negativity like poison. If you re after health and wellness in your life, toxic people will do just the opposite. They can make you feel depressed and angry.
Hopefully, you wouldn’t run into fire, or infect yourself purposely with the bubonic plague. However, by allowing toxic people to lurk around your life, you will forever be fighting to take
One step forward to be pushed two steps backwards. Instead of wasting your energy on that, walk towards people who support, believe in and celebrate you. Take a big step forwards towards joy!
Prosper in all ways!
Coach Lynn Johnson