The Deal Breakers in Relationships Love can be a challenge. Let’s face it. It can be rough. But like with anything else, you should have a set of agreed upon “DEAL BREAKERS” that definitely say your relationships should be over. But what is a deal breaker for you? Name two more. In a survey of men, one common deal breaker for them was:
“Your girlfriend should be right there next to you against that wall. If she doesn’t respect you enough to back you up in public with friends, parents or colleagues, and if she berates you for it later, you’ve got yourself a deal breaker.”
How do you define deal breakers in a relationship? More so, do you have a clear understanding for yourself what makes your once fairytale romance turn into something you’ll never feel secure in?
Follow your desires, your gut and your dreams. Make them known. Your match should not have a hard time either agreeing to or complying with them. Here are some more ways to design a deal breaker plan:
Adopt relationship role models. Look to people around you who have relationships that are built on respect, honesty, love and a shared desire to help each other reach their ultimate potential.
What qualities and actions can you adopt to cultivate these types of relationships into your own life?
Get clear about what really matters. All relationships require some amount of compromise. No person is going to match you point for point. However, on main points, there should be agreement and compatibility.
Once you know what will make you stay, clarify what will make you walk away. Be specific. Again, using myself as an example, I will not stay with a man who is not active, who harbors anger and lashes out, who uses drugs, who holds extreme fundamentalist beliefs of any sort, who makes me feel pressured, and who does not treat me with kindness and respect in every situation, even when we disagree.
When a deal breaker comes up, leave. Commit to yourself that it is not worth it to stay with someone who does not respect your boundaries.
Don’t go against your gut. If you have a bad feeling that you just can’t shake, stop trying to shake it and trust it. It is your natural protection against foreign invaders.
Don’t be afraid to seek support. Sometimes, getting out of a relationship can make you feel like you are going to die. However, if you have support, it is still difficult, but you don’t drown in deep waters with crocodiles because there is someone there to throw you a lifeboat or put out their hand to pull you up. Hire a Coach, sign up for therapy…. Get your friends to keep you busy. Surround yourself with people who will help you through the tough times.
Don’t stay because you’re too afraid to leave. Staying in a bad relationship because you are afraid that a good relationship is not a valid enough reason for being there. Granted, it can be hard to start all over again and hope for the best. However, it is not a good idea to keep moving along with a relationship that is heading towards a real bad place. Would you drive a shiny sports car, no matter how luxurious it seems, towards a cliff going 90 miles per hour? Staying anywhere with anyone who breaks the deals of the relationship, is like driving a car off of a cliff. Get out of that car, return the keys and find another means of transportation that is safer and meets your expectations. That philosophy also works in love.
Here is some homework for you: Write down at least 5 of what your deal breakers are. Now, think about how many relationships you were in that were not fulfilling or happy for you or ended badly. Were your natural deal breakers made on a regular basis? How did you handle it? If it didn’t work last time, what will you do differently this time?